A Mother's Mental Load: What Can Be Done?

Parenting is not easy, it has never been an easy job. If you are a mother, you would experience days when you just cannot get things done and feel overwhelmed with emotions and responsibilities. While others have holidays, you may feel more worked up during those days. In fact, last year in August, US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy issued an advisory stating that parenting is stressful and it can have a deteriorating effect on parent's mental health and well-being.

The advisory titled Parents Under Pressure said that this stress may lead to an "epidemic of loneliness" among parents in the country. The advisory stated, "The work of parenting is essential not only for the health of children but also for health of society. Additionally, we know that the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children."

For mothers, it is even more. As it usually falls on the mother to manage household chores, schedule appointment for kids, coordinate childcare, and constantly think of their child's need. Even when the mother wants to do something for herself, she gets under the mom guilt. It is the added responsibility of being a mother, and not being able to perform well as a mother that causes stress. This term refers to the feeling of shame and guilt that a mother feels when she thinks she is unable to live up to the standards of being a ‘good mother'. It is one of the most common feelings, especially during the postpartum.

Agreeing with such findings, another new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family reveals that mothers overwhelmingly carry the "mental load" of parenthood.

What is mental load?

It is the thought process that is unseen, as in, not physically present, that is required to keep the family running smoothly. It includes planning and organizing tasks. These responsibilities while extremely important for family, more often than not, go unnoticed.

How much more stress are mothers taking?

The study, which analyzed data from 3,000 U.S. parents, revealed significant disparities in how household tasks are divided. Mothers manage 71% of tasks requiring mental effort—60% more than fathers, who handle just 45%.

In specific areas, the imbalance is even more pronounced. Mothers take on 79% of cleaning and childcare duties, more than double the share of fathers at 37%. While dads are more involved in home repairs and financial management (65%), mothers still contribute significantly, managing 53% of these tasks.

Interestingly, both parents tend to overestimate their contributions, with fathers doing so more frequently than mothers. This disparity in perception can further complicate discussions around fair task sharing.

The Mental Load and Its Consequences

The invisible nature of mental load can have tangible repercussions. Dr. Ana Catalano Weeks, a political scientist at the University of Bath, explains that this often-overlooked work can lead to stress, burnout, and strain in relationships. In some cases, resentment may build, creating friction between partners.

The burden of mental load also impacts women’s professional lives. A recent Gallup study revealed that working mothers are twice as likely as fathers to consider reducing their hours or leaving their jobs due to parental responsibilities. This gender divide underscores the need for systemic change to support parents in balancing work and home life.

Addressing the Imbalance

To promote equity, researchers encourage families to openly discuss who bears the mental load and find ways to share responsibilities more fairly.

Governments and employers also play a crucial role. Policies like well-paid, gender-neutral parental leave—common in many European countries but lacking in the U.S. and U.K.—could help foster greater balance at home.