Health and Me

Tanya Dutt

'I Broke Up With My Friend Because She Cancelled Lunch'- How BPD Turned A Simple No-Show Into Abandonment

I wanted to reject the label. The term personality disorder felt heavy, almost damning. But as my therapist explained the cycles of fear, abandonment, and emotional intensity, I felt something shift inside me. It wasn’t just me overreacting. It wasn’t just me being too much. There was a reason my friendships, my jobs, my relationships always seemed to spiral. There was a reason I felt devastated when my best friend canceled lunch. And now, I had to figure out what that meant.

Tracey* had always felt out of place in most conversations with her friends and at work, when people had it all together (and so did she), it was just a battle in her mind. She had been in therapy for a year before her diagnosis of <span>Borderline Personality Disorder</span> (BPD). Owing to a the stigma with <span>mental health</span>, most people assume BPD to be a serious disorder with hospitalization or drastic shifts in emotions.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is more than just mood swings or impulsivity. It’s a relentless cycle of intense emotions, <span>fear of abandonment</span>, and self-doubt. To those who don’t live with it, their reactions can seem irrational, even extreme. To them, they feel like survival.

In an honest conversation about her diagnosis and experiences, Tracey shares how it felt when a simple lunch with a close friend got cancelled and all she could feel was, 'worthless'.

When my friend canceled lunch, I spiraled. Logically, I knew things came up. People got busy. Plans changed. But in that moment, it didn’t feel like a simple schedule conflict. It felt like rejection. It felt like she didn’t care. It felt like proof that I wasn’t important.

BPD warps everyday interactions, turning them into battlegrounds of self-worth. A delayed text reply can feel like being ignored. A shift in tone can signal impending abandonment. And when these emotions hit, they hit like a tidal wave—sudden, overwhelming, and consuming.

This emotional intensity has shaped my life in ways I never fully understood until my diagnosis. I’ve lost jobs because I lashed out at perceived slights. I’ve walked away from relationships over a single disagreement, convinced the other person secretly resented me. I’ve felt the highest highs of love and connection, only to be plunged into despair at the first sign of distance.

It’s not that I want to feel this way. If I could switch it off, I would. But BPD doesn’t give you that choice.

<h2>Daily Challenges of Living with BPD</h2>

One of the hallmarks of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment. This fear isn’t just about being alone; it’s about the overwhelming certainty that people will leave—and that when they do, it will be devastating.

When my friend texted, “Hey, I need to reschedule,” I didn’t read it as a simple change of plans. My mind raced: She doesn’t want to see me. I must have done something wrong. She’s pulling away.

I fought the urge to lash out. I wanted to tell her, Forget it. Don’t bother rescheduling. I wanted to cut her off before she could abandon me first. Instead, I sat with the discomfort. I reminded myself that her cancellation wasn’t proof of rejection. I tried to believe it.

BPD makes these moments feel like life or death, but therapy has helped me recognize the difference between feeling abandoned and actually being abandoned.

<h2><span rel="noindex">Black-and-White Thinking</span>: No Room for Gray Areas</h2>

Another struggle is the tendency to see things in extremes. People are either good or bad. A relationship is either perfect or ruined. There is no in-between.

When my friend canceled lunch, I immediately shifted her from “amazing friend” to “someone who doesn’t care.” My brain didn’t allow for the possibility that she was just busy, that her cancelation had nothing to do with me.

This kind of thinking has led me to destroy relationships over minor misunderstandings. It’s something I’m working on—learning to challenge absolutes, to recognize nuance, to remind myself that people can be flawed and still love me.

<h2>Healing Is a Journey, Not a Destination</h2>

Borderline personality disorder doesn’t just disappear with a diagnosis. It’s something I have to manage every single day. Therapy, medication, mindfulness—these tools help, but they don’t erase the struggles.

What I’ve learned, though, is that I can have meaningful relationships. I can learn to sit with discomfort. I can remind myself that a canceled lunch is just that—a canceled lunch.

There are still days when the fear creeps in, when I feel unworthy, when I want to push people away before they can hurt me. But I’m learning to stay. To trust. To believe that not every no-show is abandonment.

BPD might shape how I experience the world, but it doesn’t have to define me. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough.

Health Conditions A-Z

health

mental health

borderline personality disorder

bpd symptoms

bpd relationships

fear of abandonment

emotional dysregulation

mental health struggles

black-and-white thinking

Fitness Enthusiast or Desk Worker? Try These 4 Easy Chest Stretches To Instantly Boost Flexibility

Can You Use Viagra For High Blood Pressure?

Meet The Instagram Wellness Guru Featured In Netflix's Apple Cider Vinegar Who Faked Cancer And Caused A Scandal

Health & Wellness

10 Exercises You Should Do For Arm Strength

10 Ways You Can Maximize Your Gym Exercises

10 Exercises You Can Do While Walking

10 Healthy Savoury Pancakes To Have For Breakfast

10 Herbal Tea Mixes For Winters

10 Habits To Ensure Your Teeth Health

10 Detox Juices You Should Try

10 Low Impact Exercises For Weight Loss

10 Foods That Should Be Part Of A Runners Diet

10 Gym Exercises Basketball Players Should Do

10 Light Foods You Can Eat Before Exercises

10 Ways To Beat The Sleep Spell In Office

10 Tips To Help Muscle Recovery

6-6-6 Walking Routine Can Help You Stay Fit

10 Breathing Exercises To Try When You’re Feeling Anxious

10 Ways To Beat Morning Fatigue

10 Type Of Squats You Can Do For Weight Loss

Soaked vs. Roasted Chickpeas: Which One is Healthier?

10 Ways For Busy People To Stay Active

10 High-Calorie Foods to Watch Out For At Gatherings

10 Brain Exercises to Improve Your Focus and Memory

Creative Ways to Complete Your 10,000 Steps Indoors

10 Best Carb Choices for Managing Type 2 Diabetes

10 White Foods to Avoid for Better Weight Loss Results

10 Delicious Mediterranean Diet Dinners: Low-Carb and High-Protein Options

Healthy and Protein-Packed Late-Night Snacks to Satisfy Your Cravings

10 Negative Habits That Drain Your Mind’s Power

10 Brain-Boosting Activities to Sharpen Your Mind

10 Protein-Rich Breakfast Dishes To Try

10 Signs Your Heart Is Healthy

10 Foods To Improve Your Brain Health

10 Foods That Boost Your Metabolism

10 Exercise To Improve Grip Strength

10 Staple Foods To Make Eating Healthy Easier

10 Foods You Should Eat If You Are Weight-Training

10 Basics Rules Of Weight Training

10 Ways To Deal With Winter Dry Skin

Workout Week: 10 Back Exercises To Do At Gym

10 Healthy Chicken Recipes For Winter

10 Morning Habits That Can Make You Sick

I wanted to reject the label. The term personality disorder felt heavy, almost damning. But as my therapist explained the cycles of fear, abandonment, and emotional intensity, I felt something shift inside me. It wasn’t just me overreacting. It wasn’t just me being too much. There was a reason my friendships, my jobs, my relationships always seemed to spiral. There was a reason I felt devastated when my best friend canceled lunch. And now, I had to figure out what that meant.Tracey* had always felt out of place in most conversations with her friends and at work, when people had it all together (and so did she), it was just a battle in her mind. She had been in therapy for a year before her diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Owing to a the stigma with mental health, most people assume BPD to be a serious disorder with hospitalization or drastic shifts in emotions.Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is more than just mood swings or impulsivity. It’s a relentless cycle of intense emotions, fear of abandonment, and self-doubt. To those who don’t live with it, their reactions can seem irrational, even extreme. To them, they feel like survival.In an honest conversation about her diagnosis and experiences, Tracey shares how it felt when a simple lunch with a close friend got cancelled and all she could feel was, 'worthless'.When my friend canceled lunch, I spiraled. Logically, I knew things came up. People got busy. Plans changed. But in that moment, it didn’t feel like a simple schedule conflict. It felt like rejection. It felt like she didn’t care. It felt like proof that I wasn’t important.BPD warps everyday interactions, turning them into battlegrounds of self-worth. A delayed text reply can feel like being ignored. A shift in tone can signal impending abandonment. And when these emotions hit, they hit like a tidal wave—sudden, overwhelming, and consuming.This emotional intensity has shaped my life in ways I never fully understood until my diagnosis. I’ve lost jobs because I lashed out at perceived slights. I’ve walked away from relationships over a single disagreement, convinced the other person secretly resented me. I’ve felt the highest highs of love and connection, only to be plunged into despair at the first sign of distance.It’s not that I want to feel this way. If I could switch it off, I would. But BPD doesn’t give you that choice.Daily Challenges of Living with BPDOne of the hallmarks of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment. This fear isn’t just about being alone; it’s about the overwhelming certainty that people will leave—and that when they do, it will be devastating.When my friend texted, “Hey, I need to reschedule,” I didn’t read it as a simple change of plans. My mind raced: She doesn’t want to see me. I must have done something wrong. She’s pulling away.I fought the urge to lash out. I wanted to tell her, Forget it. Don’t bother rescheduling. I wanted to cut her off before she could abandon me first. Instead, I sat with the discomfort. I reminded myself that her cancellation wasn’t proof of rejection. I tried to believe it.BPD makes these moments feel like life or death, but therapy has helped me recognize the difference between feeling abandoned and actually being abandoned.Black-and-White Thinking: No Room for Gray AreasAnother struggle is the tendency to see things in extremes. People are either good or bad. A relationship is either perfect or ruined. There is no in-between.When my friend canceled lunch, I immediately shifted her from “amazing friend” to “someone who doesn’t care.” My brain didn’t allow for the possibility that she was just busy, that her cancelation had nothing to do with me.This kind of thinking has led me to destroy relationships over minor misunderstandings. It’s something I’m working on—learning to challenge absolutes, to recognize nuance, to remind myself that people can be flawed and still love me.Healing Is a Journey, Not a DestinationBorderline personality disorder doesn’t just disappear with a diagnosis. It’s something I have to manage every single day. Therapy, medication, mindfulness—these tools help, but they don’t erase the struggles.What I’ve learned, though, is that I can have meaningful relationships. I can learn to sit with discomfort. I can remind myself that a canceled lunch is just that—a canceled lunch.There are still days when the fear creeps in, when I feel unworthy, when I want to push people away before they can hurt me. But I’m learning to stay. To trust. To believe that not every no-show is abandonment.BPD might shape how I experience the world, but it doesn’t have to define me. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough.