How to Support Someone with Depression?

Depression is more common than many realize. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in three people in the US will experience depression at some point in their lives, and one in eight will face a major depressive episode. While awareness about depression is growing, knowing how to talk to someone struggling with it remains a challenge.

What Not to Say to Someone with Depression

Despite good intentions, some common responses can be unhelpful or even harmful. Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Dave Rabin, while speaking to a media organisation, highlights a few key mistakes:

Offering unsolicited advice: While activities like meditation or gratitude journaling can be beneficial, people with depression primarily need compassion and a listening ear before receiving suggestions.

Telling them how they should feel: Phrases like "You have so much to be grateful for" or "Others have it worse" can invalidate their experience. Depression is an illness, not a logical reaction to circumstances.

Using clichés and social media quotes: Statements such as "What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger" can feel dismissive. Depression is complex, and well-meaning platitudes rarely provide comfort.

Supportive Ways to Communicate

Reaching out and offering support can make a significant difference. Neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez suggests prioritizing meaningful communication, whether through a text, call, video chat, or in-person conversation. Here are some helpful phrases:

"I’m thinking about you. How are you doing?"

A simple check-in can be powerful. Listening without interrupting or offering solutions allows the person to feel heard and understood.

"I love you, and I’m here for you always."

Depression often convinces people they are unworthy of love. Reassuring them through words and consistent actions can counter this belief.

"How did today go? How was your meeting?"

Specific questions show that you care and are engaged in their daily life. General questions like "Are you okay?" may not prompt much response.

"I can’t take this from you, but I can help you carry it. How can I support you?"

This validates their struggle while offering practical help, whether through accompanying them to an appointment or simply spending time together.

"I hear how upset you are, and your feelings are completely valid."

Depression can make people feel isolated or abnormal. Acknowledging their emotions as understandable can provide comfort.

"I’d love to listen if you’d like to talk. Want to grab coffee?"

Many people with depression worry about being a burden. Expressing a genuine desire to listen—paired with a concrete invitation—can encourage them to open up.

Using humor thoughtfully

A well-timed lighthearted joke, like "These are ruff times," can offer a moment of relief. However, humor should be used cautiously and never at the expense of their feelings.

"I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I can sympathize. Tell me about your experience." Rather than assuming their struggle mirrors your own, invite them to share. Relating to their emotions without overshadowing them fosters connection.